


we are too soft and bloody for this to ever work

by doumekiss (Odd_Ellie)



Category: CLAMP - Works, xxxHoLic
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, M/M, POV Second Person, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, self-destructive behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27756880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_Ellie/pseuds/doumekiss
Summary: Sometimes he makes you angry just looking at his face.
Relationships: Doumeki Shizuka/Watanuki Kimihiro
Kudos: 13





	we are too soft and bloody for this to ever work

**Author's Note:**

> Also available in portuguese : https://archiveofourown.org/works/12124782

Sometimes he makes you angry just looking at his face. 

In the past, you thought you just didn't like his stupid face. But his grandfather had all the same features on his face and he never pissed you off like his grandson often does just by being there. Eventually you realized that it wasn't really his face, it was the way his expressions didn't betray anything that was going on inside him while even strangers sometimes saw parts of you that you preferred to keep hidden.

He had control over his face, over the muscles of his body with every gesture being thought out and for a purpose. It irritated you endlessly when you were young and the world still seemed full of hope. And it irritates you now.

A part of you would like to see him lose all that self-control, that he would throw you against the wall and punch you or kiss you, that he would do something besides being there looking at you with that expressionless face of his.

You never thought of yourself as a particularly seductive person, but it works on him. You leave your kimono loose as she did, and you can feel his eyes roaming every inch of exposed skin. You blow the smoke right in his face to see if he'll be pissed off enough to lose control.

One night you're curious and drunk enough to do something else, it's past midnight and you've had too much to drink and he's supporting you until you get to your room, you have an arm over his shoulders and he's practically dragging you in some parts of the path between your room and the porch, you two arrive at the door of your room and he is very close and it would be so easy to kiss him, and then you do it before you have time to remember all the reasons why you shouldn't.

During the kiss you keep your eyes closed and you can feel his mouth moving against yours, but only slightly, not as if he wants to devour you, he is still in control and irritates you endlessly. You step back and open your eyes and the expression on his face is still the same.

"You should go to sleep." he says.

"You should come to bed with me." you say.

He hesitates for a few seconds and this is rare, because he is tempted, but apparently not enough because what he says next is:

"Go to sleep Watanuki, I'll see you tomorrow"

He wants you, you know that. But he doesn't want to have a drunken fuck at a store that is technically another dimension. He wants to wake up next to you in his room at the temple and make love to you completely sober and with the morning light coming in through the cracks in the curtain, he wants to take you to beautiful places and see you smiling, he wants to have arguments about stupid things that ends feeling more like a joke than a fight, he wants to take care of you, he wants to make you feel complete and at peace, he wants to grow old with you. He just wants the things you don't have the ability to give him. No one who talks and looks the way he does should have the right to be so sentimental, you decide.

You get yourself out of his arms and head for your room alone.

"Whatever" you say, and add because you know it will hurt "It's not like you're the one I really want anyway"

And only then do you see something different on his face, or at least something that he usually didn't allow himself to show. It is not fury or lust, it is simply sadness for you, for himself, for the universe for being the way it is.

You close the door, you don't want to see that expression in front of you although you know it for sure it will be a long time before you are able to erase it from your memory.


End file.
